How To Become The World's Loneliest Man

1. The first mistake that I made was putting all my friends and lovers in one basket. Don't do that. Don't be me. I'm the guy who's always felt that my lover was my best friend. I shared everything with her. She knew everything about me. I knew everything about her. Everything was cool... until we broke up. I didn't just lose someone I loved, I lost my best friend.

So keep your friends and lovers separate. Lets your friends be friends. Let your lovers be lovers. You can argue with your friends. You can play video games. You can talk politics. You can have disagreements. Don't do that with your lover. Let your love life be filled with romance and nothing else. Otherwise you'll fall apart quickly. And when that happens, you'll lose everything in one shot.

2. I closed my Facebook account. Have you ever wondered just how vital Facebook is in connecting people and keeping them in touch? Try it! I think there's an option in the settings where you can deactivate an account rather than delete it. Try it.

I lost 90% of the people I knew the day I closed my Facebook account.

3. I closed my Twitter account. I deleted my WhatsApp account. I uninstalled Telegram because they like phone no's and IP addresses. I stopped using Signal last year.

4. I closed my gmail account. This was like the last line of contact for a lot of school friends and people that I knew, but wasn't that close to. When I closed my Google account, that was it.

5. I closed my Yahoo account, Outlook account, Aol account.

6. I stopped using my phone for it's original purpose: Calling people. I can't remember the last time I called someone to check up on them. It's almost never happened. Yeah. I stopped receiving calls. Don't call me to ask me how I'm doing or what I'm doing. Call me if there's a problem. Call me when there's an emergency. Don't call me to check up on me. You wanna know what I'm doing? I just took off my drawers, and I'm about to jerk off to pics of your mom! That's what I'm doing! What is it with all these stupid people who've got nothing important to say on the phone? DON'T CALL ME! Then I put my phone on airplane mode.

If you wanna talk to me, let's meet up. In person. We can hang out, do whatever, have a good chat. Rule of thumb: If it ain't important enough to be said in person, then it probably ain't important enough to be said on the phone. So get off the goddamn phone, 'cause I don't need my service provider and the government listening in on my calls! If they wanna know what I'm doing, they'll have to check up on me, in person. Then I can check 'em out too! I'd like to know why some prick with a badge thinks he's got the right to snoop on me. Maybe I can ask him about his wife, or his girlfriend. Is she pretty? Does she suck dick good? If you wanna listen in on someone's private conversations, you better get ready to share yours as well. Hello NSA! Holla at yo buoy!

7. I stopped listening to my family. You know when your parents talk to friends and friends of friends and choose some girl for you? Then they call you and say, "Hey son! We found a girl for you! She's got this degree and that degree. And she's got a job. And she comes from this caste and she's very religious and traditional!" Then you say, "FUCK NO! Fuck arranged marriages! Fuck your backward ass culture! Fuck your traditions! Fuck your caste! Fuck your racism! And fuck you! I'll marry whoever I want, and it's gonna be my woman of my choice whom I've established a beautiful lovely meaningful connection with!"

So your parents get pissed off that you're breaking the family tradition. Who in the hell do you think you are? You no good sumbitch!

And you're pissed off with your parents. Because you got tired of hearing them argue and fight and bicker and yell at each other all your childhood. And you promised yourself that the day you grew up, you'd marry a woman of your choice, and it'd be on your own terms. Not your parents'. Not your relatives'. It wouldn't matter if the girl you fell in love with was Chinese, or Zulu, or Irish. That's whom you were gonna marry, regardless of what your parents and relatives and community thought. In fact, you know what? Fuck the community! Fuck everybody who thinks they know what's best for you more than you do. Fuck everybody who walks up to you and asks you when you're gonna get married. Fuck everybody who dislikes you for having a different kind of lifestyle. Fuck everybody who hates you for being a rebel. Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em!

My parents are my number one enemies. It's kinda sad that it had to be this way. But they never respected my thoughts and my opinions and my freedom. They thought they knew what's best for me. And because I didn't do what they thought was best for me, I was a disgrace! A fucking disgrace! And they were ashamed of me!

They say blood is thicker than water. Well I say, water is pure. It ain't biased. Water is neutral. Water doesn't have any expectations or hidden agendas. You can drink a glass of water and go on your merry way. Can you drink a glass of eel's blood? Blood is thicker. Of course it's thicker! It's full of toxic impurities.

8. I walked out of a cult. The day I left ISKCON, I lost contact with all current standing and existing members. I left behind all the friends I'd made. And all the new family that I'd found.

I'd say they were pretty much the closest to what I'd call real friends. But I had to let go. 'Cause I knew they'd be forced to let go.

9. I went online, and spoke my mind.

Y'know, never do that? Like never. Never speak your mind to a bunch of strangers. You might not find some friends, but you'll definitely make some new enemies!

Don't discuss politics. Don't discuss current news and affairs. Don't insult people - politicians, governments, corporate crooks, rapists etc. Your enemy is someone's hero. When you insult someone's hero, you're inviting yourself new enemies.

10. I rejected capitalism and consumerism. I became a minimalist. When you do that, chances are, a lot of people are going to look down upon you. They're gonna make fun of you and crack jokes about you. They're gonna think you're a lil kookoo in the head.

"Oh! Look at that guy! He's so old fashioned! He's so boring! He's got no taste! Eew! What a loser! I don't wanna be with that guy! I want a rich boyfriend with a Mercedes S-class, and a high-paying job, and a lavish luxurious lifestyle! I wanna go on vacations to Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam! I wanna fly business class! I wanna dine at world-class restaurants and book executive suites in hotels! I wanna live in a mansion! With two chefs, 20 maids, and a gardener! I deserve to be treated like a queen! This guy said he wants to live in a cabin up in the mountains! Like what the hell! Is he forreal? He's soooo not my type of guy! Loser!"